So long as there have been Richard Pryors to Dave Chappelles in this world, there have been white people to provide them with copious amounts of fodder for comedy. As a Caucasian I can attest white people do weird stuff, and it's funny. Now finally someone has come along to chronicle all those crazy things that white folks do.
Stuff White People Like keeps a handy log of all sorts of things adored by the pigmentally challenged : 40 Apple Products!
Lots of other stuff that's in Wired a lot! What's even better are the handy explainers as to why white folks like this crap. Example, from 47 Art Degrees :. When white people go away to college, they tend to study what are knowns as the Arts. We use cookies to improve your experience. Please only continue if you're ok with this. Close Privacy Overview This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website.
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But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Though this outfit would normally get you branded as a lesbian, tonight it will have quite the opposite effect. Note: You may notice that all the music from this era is very depressing. Do not worry about it having a negative effect on your party.
White people have an amazing ability to get drunk and then all happily sing, in unison, a song about suicide. Continue Reading ». October 18, by clander. If you meet a white girl with black hair, tattoos, and a passion for horror films, there is a percent chance that she plays in some sort of Roller Derby league. The sport reached its height of popularity in the seventies, thus all but guaranteeing that white people would eventually resurrect it in a fit of nostalgia and irony.
Once a league forms, schedules are made, websites are put up, venues are booked, and tickets are sold. Should you choose to attend an event, you will be shocked at the sheer volume of mustaches and black rock-and-roll T-shirts, and the complete lack of anyone with a full-time job. When the activities start, the women will start skating around in a circle.
There are rules and points and strategies, but at most Roller Derby matches the only people who seem to be aware of them are the people playing. If you know someone who plays on a Roller Derby team, you should treat them like a white person who does improv. Encourage them in their efforts, but make it clear that you will not pay money to watch their hobby. September 8, by clander. There is, however, a catch. Whatever it is that you create cannot be a shortcut. It is a bit of a paradox, but it does explain why white people only like Cliff Notes if they are part of some sort of hilarious college story about last-minute studying for an exam.
Unfortunately being able to create something that makes you feel smarter without having to do a lot of work has been very difficult. So only a few ideas have ever gained traction with white people, the most notable of which being documentary films and public radio.
However, in the past decade a new item has been added to this very short list-TED Talks. The TED Conference is an invite-only affair that brings together the smartest minds from around the world to share their knowledge and wisdom with the attendees.
Additionally all of the talks are made available online and as podcasts so that white people are able to watch or listen to them at work or during their commute. Due to the broad audience watching the talks, TED speakers generally take very complex ideas and boil them down into a simple engaging presentation.
So when a white person finds out that you have a PhD and visits and attempts to engage you in a conversation about String Theory, you should know that all of their understanding comes from a twenty-minute talk they listened to while running on a treadmill. You should also be aware that the average white person considers their knowledge on the subject to be on par or superior to yours. For many white people, TED Conferences are actually a source of sadness and depression.
This comes from their dreams to attend a future TED Conference in person. This is a new concept for white people as they have successfully been creating and joining expensive exclusive clubs for over one thousand years. Popular examples include: private schools, politics, and ice hockey. Note: It is not advised to try to use sarcasm when trying to console a white person about their lack of an invitation to the TED conference.
As a non-white person, lets just say I have some experience in that field. Posted in Uncategorized Comments ». June 1, by clander. Every four years the planet comes together to celebrate the World Cup and since white people make up a portion the world, they are not immune to the excitement.
However, before you start planning out long watching sessions with white people you should be aware of exactly why white people get so excited about the World Cup. Though you may be waiting on bated breath for your favorite sport on a global scale, white people like the World Cup because it allows them to pretend they are European for a few weeks, and more importantly, it allows them to get drunk at odd hours.
Virtually every white person you speak to about the World Cup is incapable of remembering any actual event that took place during a game but can, with near total recall, remember how they got very drunk on Sangria during a Spain-Paraguay match at five in the morning. From reading the above paragraph, the sharper ones among you have likely noticed that clever white people also adore the World Cup because it allows them to pair countries with their respective alcoholic drink.
This plan will be consummated with a high five, a trip to Trader Joes, and the purchase of a soccer jersey that will be worn, on average, twice a decade. While they generally find most professional sporting events to be boring, the atmosphere at a World Cup match is much more amenable. This is far superior to a hockey game where, at best, they might meet a Canadian. Of course, hosting a themed party around one of the games is a sure fire way to increase your popularity with white people, but at the end of the day it does not increase your bottom line.
No, during the World Cup, the most profit to be made will come from betting on the games with white people. Not only will they have plenty of disposable income, they will follow the following betting patterns:. When it comes to talking about the event, it goes without saying that you should probably avoid trying to talk to white people about any of the actual players in the World Cup aside from the biggest stars. But if you do find yourself talking to a white person who actually knows a lot about soccer you are probably talking to a European, or worse, a white guy who tries too hard.
March 14, by clander. It is well established that white people like the past. Vintage clothing, history degrees, and nostalgia are just three examples of how white people show their love for by-gone eras.
So when white people think about growing their own food they are reminded of pastoral images of farming, working the land, and growing whole natural foods for their family. This most positive viewpoint comes from the fact that white people have mostly enjoyed supervisory roles in agricultural production over the years.
But as more and more white people moved into cities, they lost their connection to working the land. In recent years, the most advanced white people have quit their jobs, moved to the country and opened artisanal dairies and small scale radicchio farms. However, not all white people have the ability, or the trust funds, to quit their job and follow their food-based passions.
Some white people have to get their fix by picking their own fruit. In other words, berry picking is the agricultural equivalent to a private liberal arts college. Of course the easiest way to turn a profit with this information would be to start your own fruit picking farm.
But that is only looking at the small picture. It is well established that all white people enjoy doing manual labor under watered down and expensive conditions. So, if you are currently working in a job that requires intensive amounts of work, you should consider using that work space to create what is essentially an adult daycare for white people who would like to spend an afternoon learning how to use a loom or pretending to be a construction worker. Note: if you encounter a white person who is actually good at manual labor they are either some kind of performance artist, writing a book, or the host of a show on HGTV.
Posted in Uncategorized 1, Comments ». January 13, by clander. You might even expect them to lash out and do something about it like take to the streets or write a letter to NBC to voice their dissatisfaction with the network. But no, white people will solve this problem the way that they solved the election crisis in Iran — through Facebook and Twitter status updates.
In , millions of white people took 35 seconds to turn their twitter profiles green, and consequently sent a very powerful message to the leaders of Iran. Their message was that they wanted their friends to know that they would stop at nothing to ensure freedom and democracy for the Iranian people. Thanks in large part to that effort Iran is now completely democratic.
With that issue settled, white people are launching a similar campaign for Conan that is sure to have similar results. Seeing him on television five nights a week is a comforting reminder of community to the white people who still have televisions. Just state your love for the character, and the white person you are talking to will simply fill in the rest. Secondly, all white people believe that Andy Richter never should have left the show. All white people already have one, so you might as well try to fit in.
Complete these steps and watch your friendship with white people become considerably smoother. You will be met with only blank stares. Note: Under no circumstances should you ever mention that you prefer Jay Leno. This might cause white people to think you have the same taste in humor as the wrong kind of white people, or worse, their parents.
December 22, by clander. Yet in spite of these powers, they are not immune to the dangers of the sun. So white people must wear sunglasses. But what may surprise you is that while white people will spend upwards of three months finding a perfect pair of unique prescription glasses, they have no such requirement for sunglasses.
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